by Fiza Pathan
The newsletter was despatched to say, that you were no more in this realm.
The minute I picked up the paper and beheld your death before my eyes,
All my senses faded into the eternal fire.
I ran from my Mother’s home towards your grave,
But heaven knows how much I have wanted to lie in the earth with you.
The congregation saw me running towards your burial,
They were stunned into shock as they witnessed my bleeding bare feet.
Let me look upon him one last time, the man who thought he could never die.
He burnt my bed of roses, with the striking of the match of betrayal.
Now there he breathes no more but I cannot bear to see him thus say goodbye.
Don’t bury my lover-don’t bury him yet,
For every time he rejected me I loved him ever more and still.
Let me rub my face against his coffin, feel the wood neatly carved kiss my face.
I will pretend no more that I can’t sleep with you this cursed night.
Look upon your maiden with her tear stained cheek,
Don’t beg forgiveness but shout out to God for your soul’s liberty.
They are pulling me away from your cold side,
Mourners have a serious connection with the dead.
But they do not know that I have been preparing my whole life
Based on your every step closer to my arms.
I have kept vigil every night at the front door to my home,
Hoping you would come back to the threshold of innocent affection.
Am I so vile to be kept even from you dead
As I was kept away from you when you lived.
Your memories are haunting me now, everything that you uttered
Upon the waves that entered my ears with a burning sting.
They restrain me as they lower you down, from which you will arise no more.
I bellow like a hound of hell, none but Yahweh shall deem to comprehend.
How much I have loved you is not the question,
How much I have patiently waited is my testimonial.
No revenge I take only a vacant emptiness I can spare,
To hold your gravestone to my sobbing chest.
Somewhere in the world of everlasting peace and happiness,
You look upon my scarred existence.
Lay your spirit upon me, possess me into insanity, let your skull bone be my food.
Woe to the misery of this loss only Jehovah can ever fathom,
You are dead but not yet all gone from this world of mine.